


Say You Forgive Me

by eversinceniall



Series: Say... [1]
Category: Bring Me The Horizon, Pierce the Veil, Sleeping With Sirens
Genre: Angst, Betrayal, Break Up, Cheating, Hint of - Freeform, Hurt No Comfort, Infidelity, M/M, Revenge, Sad, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Tension, Will Be A Sequel, getting even
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-19
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 08:50:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,422
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6899281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eversinceniall/pseuds/eversinceniall
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kellin and Vic get into a fight after Kellin catches Vic cheating on him with Jaime. Vic wants Kellin to forgive him, but Kellin doesn't think he can when he's already so heart broken.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Say You Forgive Me

"Jesus Christ you can't even look at me." Vic said, sounding pained.

 _If I look at you, I'll be reminded of how much I love you, how much I need you_ , Kellin thought to himself, _and how I can't have you_.

"Do you even want me to?" Kellin asked, cursing himself for how small his voice sounded. He kept his gaze directed downwards.

Then he felt Vic's fingers on his chin, tilting his head up so their eyes met. Kellin had to suck in a deep breath to hold back the tears that were threatening to well up in his eyes and overflow like waterfalls as he looked into Vic's eyes for what was probably the last time.

"I always do," Vic murmured. "Your eyes, I love them."

Kellin could hear the silent _I love you_ that was held back and left unsaid.

"I can't forgive you." Kellin whispered.

Vic flinched, as though he was physically struck, and his eyes lowered to the floor, his head bowed in shame for a split second. Then he looked up and there was fire in his eyes. "I don't want you to."

 _That's a lie_ , Kellin thought. _I want to forgive you, and you want my forgiveness more than anything._

But Kellin played along.

"Then what do you want?"

"I don't know anymore. I lied. I do want your forgiveness. But most of all, I just want... You."

And then Vic's lips crashed against his, and Kellin couldn't help the way he automatically parted his lips, granting Vic access. It'd been so long. Their lips moved together in sync, and Kellin tangled his hands in Vic's long hair, pulling him closer. He could never get close enough. The passion he felt, the contact was never enough. Maybe they were two souls, made to be one, trying to connect once again. Soul mates. Or maybe Kellin was high.

Vic's hands settled on Kellin's hips where his shirt had ridden up, his nails digging into the soft flesh. Kellin kissed him like never before, hard and angry. But it was more than that. He put every ounce of feeling into the movement of his and Vic's lips. All his hurt, his pain, his frustration, he shoved it all into the way he kissed the boy who was probably the love of his life. They'd never kissed like this. Hard, and rough, and hurt. It was always soft, and sweet, and even when it was hard, it wasn't rough, it was loving, and gentle. This was different.

Fuck.

 And then a thought, an image of the way Vic's lips moved against Jamie's as he thrusted in and out of the younger boy popped into Kellin's head, and he broke away with a gasp. "Fuck," he cursed, running a hand through his hair in frustration.

Vic gave him a longing look, and also a look of sympathy, one which Kellin couldn't handle right now.

"Fuck," he swore again. "I can't- I can't do anything without thinking of it. I can't eat, I can't sleep, God, I can barely fucking breath anymore because of you!"

"I'm sorry." Vic said for what must have been the hundredth time There was sincerity in his words, but that didn't matter. Kellin had heard those words too many times.

"Sorry doesn't change anything!" Kellin shouted, and shit, he felt like he was on the urge of a breakdown. "Sorry doesn't make it better, sorry doesn't mean anything!"

"I don't know what else to say, what else to tell you to make this better!" Vic said, voice rising a bit.

Tears welled up in Kellin's eyes, and he said, "Nothing, Vic. Nothing can make this better. I trusted you, I gave up the school of my dreams just to stay by your side, and how did you repay me? By getting shit faced and fucking your best friend at a party while I was downstairs being your faithful little bitch."

"It was an accident, Kells! How many times do I have to tell you that before you believe me? I don't love Jaime, he's my best friend, but I'm in LOVE with you. I want to move past this. Why can't you just accept that it meant nothing?"

A tear fell down Kellin's cheek, a tear he could no longer contain. He hated being yelled at, it always made him feel so vulnerable, so fragile, and breakable. It was even worse when it was Vic doing the yelling. But along with the fact that Vic was raising his voice at him, Kellin was also crying because he was upset. He was so hurt, and it was something Vic would never be able to understand.

"If it meant nothing, if you don't feel anything for Jaime, then why, out of all people, was it him that you happened to fuck that night, huh?" Kellin asked, trying to contain the wobbliness of his words.

"Because I was drunk, Kellin." Vic said, sounding exasperated. "I was drunk and he was there, and I made a mistake. So can we please get past this? I'm sorry, and you know it will never happen again."

It was so fucking tempting to just say it was okay, that it was over and done with, and run into Vic's arms. But the ache in Kellin's chest reminded him of all the pain Vic had caused and was still causing him and he knew this wasn't something he could just forgive. He thought carefully about his next words, words which he knew would inevitably break both his and the boy standing across from him's hearts.

"I know it won't." Kellin spoke. "I know it won't happen again,"

Hope glimmered in Vic's eyes as Kellin finished his sentence, and he knew the next three words to come out of his mouth would wash that look away. A part of him got a morbid sense of satisfaction at the thought of Vic suffering through pain like he had. The other part just felt terribly guilty. "Because we're over." Kellin said, exhaling all the air that seemed to be trapped in his lungs.

Vic's eyes widened, in fear, and in shock, but most of all, hurt. "W-we can't be. We can't be over, please, Kells, please don't do this. I'm so sorry, but I need you," Vic pleaded desperately.

"You don't need me." Kellin said through the lump wedged in his throat. He thought he might cry at the sight of Vic, looking so utterly broken. "You don't need me." Kellin repeated. "You don't need anything at all. Not me, not my love, not my loyalty. You threw that all out the window when you fucked your best friend."

"Kellin-" Tears spilled over down Vic's face. His expression was one of fear and panic, as if he was just now realizing that this was really the end.

"Don't." Kellin said sharply. " Don't say my fucking name. Not like that- not when you're begging me to stay, not when - not now. Not ever." Kellin's heart lurched forward, butterflies swam around in his stomach at the sound of his name escaping Vic's lips. But that wasn't right, and it wasn't okay. Yet no matter how hard he tried, he couldn't shut off the way he felt about Vic. It was something he shouldn't feel anymore, not when Vic had torn his heart out of his chest and stomped on it.

"Kellin," Vic whispered. "I love you."

That right there was Kellin's breaking point. The tears he had been holding back for far too long burst free and streamed down his cheeks. A mix between a sob and whimper escaped Kellin's lips as he stared at Vic's figure, blurry from all the tears.

"Why did you have to do this to us, Vic? I loved you so much. I was so loyal to you for three whole years. I never even looked at another person, because you were all I wanted. But in one night, you threw it all away. Our future, our love."

Vic looked back him. He was crying now, too, his face scrunched up in pain. "Kellin, I love you.  I have loved you since the first day I saw you. I know I fucked up, but when have I ever hurt you otherwise? I'm telling you this was a mistake. A one time mistake that will never happen again. Can't you forgive me? Give me a second chance? Everyone deserves a second chance, don't they?"

That was something Kellin believed; that every person deserved a second chance. Everyone made mistakes and sometimes they needed a chance to redeem themselves. But even if Kellin wanted to forgive Vic, he couldn't. He couldn't program himself to forget about what had happened. If he could, he would have done it a long time ago. And he didn't think he could move past this. Kellin knew every second he spent around Vic, he would be reminded of that night.

"I'm sorry, Vic." Kellin said, wiping his wet face with the sleeve of his hoodie. Which didn't have much of an effect, because the tears were still coming. "I'm sure you do deserve a second chance. But you broke my heart, and it hurts so bad its hard to look at you. Maybe it was a mistake, a horrible accident. But when I walked in and saw you and him... I could hear my heart shatter in my chest, and every time I look at you, I'm reminded of that. Of that hurt. You never hurt me before this, you never made a mistake. But this mistake feels like a million combined into one. And that's why I can't be with you. Because you will never understand the pain you caused me."

"Kellin, I know I hurt you and I wish there was some way I could make it up to you."

Just then, Kellin's best friend, and roommate, Oliver Sykes walked in the front door, a bag of groceries in his hand. And, just like that, Kellin got an idea. A terrible, cruel, pain inducing idea. But, an idea nonetheless.

"You want to make it up to me?" Kellin asked.

"More than anything."

"Then feel the pain I felt." With that said, Kellin walked quickly over to where Oliver was standing, stopping in front of him. Oliver looked up at him, a confused and questioning look in his eyes. Kellin didn't say anything. Instead, he cupped Oliver's face in his hands, closed his eyes, and pressed his lips against Oliver's.

Oliver froze, his lips not moving. His hands laid limply at his sides. Kellin knew the image was undeniably an awkward one, and felt his heart drop. He knew Vic was watching, and he needed something real. A real kiss, otherwise this was for nothing.

"Oliver, go with this. For me, please?" Kellin whispered, low enough so that Vic couldn't hear.

"Okay." Oliver whispered back just as softly. Then he placed his hands on Kellin's waist, and pulled the younger boy up against him. Oliver pressed his lips to Kellin's, sneaking his tongue inside of the black haired boy's mouth, and digging his fingers into Kellin's hips. Kellin was a bit surprised at the intensity and passion that Oliver  put into the kiss, but he internally thanked his friend for making it believable, and kissed back just as ferociously. Kellin wrapped his arms around Oliver's back, and kissed him a while longer. He made sure to really get into it for Vic's benefit, which wasn't too difficult because Oliver was really good at kissing.

As much as Kellin was enjoying this kiss, he had to pull away. So he did. He let go of Oliver, and stepped away, breathing hard. He was sure his face was red, but it wasn't his fault Oliver had practically sucked the air out of his lungs.

When Kellin turned to look at Vic, a wave of guilt crashed over his head like waves. The elder boy looked so unbelievably hurt, and there was this heart broken expression on his face. When Kellin got closer, he saw that there were tears in Vic's eyes.

"I'm so fucking sorry." Vic sobbed. "This whole time I've been asking you to forgive me and get over it, I had no idea how you felt. Now I do."

"Do you?" Kellin asked, completely forgetting about Oliver, who was still standing by the door with a lost and hurt look on his face.

"I do." Vic said. "At least I think I do. Watching you kiss Oliver like that, I wanted to turn away but I couldn't. I felt betrayed. I felt like my heart was glass and you had just shattered it. I'm sorry."

"I know." Kellin said, because he didn't know what else to say. "I'm sorry, too."

"For what?" Vic asked.

"Kissing Oliver. That wasn't right. I wanted you to understand what I felt...But I shouldn't have done that. It was cruel."

"It was." Vic agreed. "But you've made me realize something. If you had slept with Oliver, I wouldn't be able to take you back. So why should I expect you to take me back?"

"Vic-"

"I know where I'm not wanted. I'm sorry I hurt you. That was never my intention." Vic spoke, getting close. He reached out and stroked Kellin's cheek. "I love you. But I won't bother you anymore. I'll let you go. Goodbye, Kellin."

Before Kellin could say another word, perhaps beg the elder boy to stay, Vic had already reached the door. Within a second, the door shut, and Kellin was left alone with Oliver, and all his mind boggling thoughts.

"I think I fucked up. I wanted him to leave me alone, but I can't imagine life without him now that he's gone." Kellin said, walking over and resting his head on Oliver's shoulder.

Oliver didn't respond.

"I fucked up, didn't I?"

"Yeah," Oliver said, his voice like a whisper. "You did, Kellin. But I don't think you realize what you fucked up." He stepped away without another word, and began to walk in the direction of his bedroom.

"Wait," Kellin called. "Where are you going? Are you mad at me?"

Oliver turned around. "I'm not mad, Kellin. I'm hurt. There's a difference." Then he turned back around and walked into his bedroom, shutting the door behind him.

Kellin stared at the door. Now he was truly alone. He'd lost Vic, and somehow he had unintentionally fucked things up with his best friend.

Could life get any worse?


End file.
